#302 - 2012-12-06

Manager: aww, I feel like someone has put some kryptonite down my trousers. Manager: All the energy has been sucked out of me.

#28 - 2009-07-11

21:56 * Mike moos at neil 21:57 * norby89 poos on Mike 21:57 * Talidan rubs oil on norby89 21:58 * Mike pushes norby89 down a luge track 21:59 <%norby89> wiiiiiiiiiiii

#158 - 2011-11-16

* Pete scoffs the third chocolate bar of the day so far (it's barely 10:30) Matt: You need a balanced diet Pete: I had crisps for breakfast and chocolate for elevenses Zoe: That's not a balanced diet. Neil: You have equal quantities of junk food on each side of the scale Matt: It's alright, it's balanced on the fulcrum of coffee

#599 - 2015-05-05

What's more painful - giving birth, or being kicked in the balls?

Women want more children. A man never asks to get kicked in the balls again.

#282 - 2012-10-10

The Forcefield (Anti-)Pattern:

Purpose: To disable a set of controls in a user interface

How: 1. Simply place a UI Panel over all of the controls. 2. Set the background colour of the UI Panel to Transparent.

Problems: 1. The controls don't look disabled. 2. Users can press tab to get focus on the "disabled" controls and operate them.

Benefits: 1. Dead quick to implement 2. Most testers don't find the Problem "2" above.

#289 - 2012-10-19

Steve Scott: Weirdest dream last night. The company I did work for last week got me back because they had bought a large robot dinosaw for the executives and were having problems writing an F5 iRule (TCL) to control it

#359 - 2013-05-20

Colleague: We should go on the mobile learning pathway. Me: Oh dear god, kill me now. Me: a mobile learning pathway. Could they have named it so that it sounded less like corporate BS?

#536 - 2014-12-03

MikeW: I just had to instruct the cashier in Lidl how to count to 2... #WhatDoWeWant #HumanSterilisation #WhenDoWeWantIt #Now

#625 - 2015-08-13

Johann: Please don't feel like I'm trying to crawl up you're butt without soap, but... James: whaahahaha?! What did you just say? Johann: oh, did it not sound right? It's a German expression James: let's just say I get what you meant, but you're not coming near my butt!

#44 - 2009-12-07

xcon: Controlling intelligence via configuration variables, awesome.

#162 - 2011-11-19

CookieM: you ever bought anything from one of the stores? :P neil: I've never actually been in one :/ CookieM: lol good neil: o...kay ? CookieM: software is shit neil: lol, ok CookieM: so you'll be there for half hour trying to get a top up neil: I've got a contract phone these days CookieM: & then if you wanna pay by card you'll be there even longer neil: sounds impressive Mike: i just use the automated thing over the phone for mine Mike: 30secs and i don't have to wear trousers neil: That's a wonderful mental image Mike: :)

#458 - 2014-03-09

Andy: Quite funny seeing toothpaste on offer in Totton asda when no one here has any teeth

#30 - 2009-09-01

10:21 <%Windlord> why search for nasty things when the world's full with other beautiful things himselfe: be on the internet enough and you don't really have to search :P

#59 - 2010-01-28

Andreas: most of the world can be viewed through css Andreas: unfortunately, it cant be interacted with in the same way Andreas: .snow { display: none; } would pwn

#298 - 2012-11-15

Yeah, he was the sort of employee where we had farewell drinks, after he actually left.